Monday, December 24, 2012
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Sunday, May 20, 2012
Programmer turns into a Preacher
When a Programmer turns into a Preacher (FAQ)
Q: Does God control everything that happens in my life?
A: He could, if he used the debugger, but it's tedious to step through all those variables.
Q: Why does God allow evil to happen?
A: God thought he eliminated evil in one of the earlier versions.
Q: What causes God to intervene in earthly affairs?
A: If a critical error occurs, the system pages him automatically and he logs on from home to try to bring it up. Otherwise things can wait until tomorrow.
Q: Did God really create the world in seven days?
A: He did it in six days and nights while living on cola and candy bars. On the seventh day he went home and found out his girlfriend had left him.
Q: How come the Age of Miracles Ended?
A: That was the development phase of the project; now we are in the maintenance phase.
Q: Who is Satan?
A: Satan is a MIS director who takes credit for more powers than he actually possesses, so people who aren't programmers are scared of him. God thinks of him as irritating but irrelevant.
Q: What is the role of sinners?
A: Sinners are the people who find new and imaginative ways to mess up the system when God has made it idiot-proof.
Q: Where will I go after I die?
A: Onto a backup tape.
Q: Will I be reincarnated?
A: Not unless there is a special need to recreate you. And searching those tar files is a major hassle, so if there is a request for you, God will just say that the tape has been lost.
Q: Am I unique and special in the universe?
A: There are over 10,000 major university and corporate sites running exact duplicates of you in the present release version.
Q: What is the purpose of the universe?
A: God created it because he values elegance and simplicity, but then the users and managers demanded he tack all this senseless stuff onto it and now everything is more complicated and expensive than ever.
Q: If I pray to God, will he listen?
A: You can waste his time telling him what to do, or you can just get off his back and let him program.
Q: What is the one true religion?
A: All systems have their advantages and disadvantages, so just pick the one that best suits your needs and don't let anyone put you down.
Q: How can I protect myself from evil?
A: Change your password every month and don't make it a name, a common word, or a date like your birthday.
Q: Does God control everything that happens in my life?
A: He could, if he used the debugger, but it's tedious to step through all those variables.
Q: Why does God allow evil to happen?
A: God thought he eliminated evil in one of the earlier versions.
Q: What causes God to intervene in earthly affairs?
A: If a critical error occurs, the system pages him automatically and he logs on from home to try to bring it up. Otherwise things can wait until tomorrow.
Q: Did God really create the world in seven days?
A: He did it in six days and nights while living on cola and candy bars. On the seventh day he went home and found out his girlfriend had left him.
Q: How come the Age of Miracles Ended?
A: That was the development phase of the project; now we are in the maintenance phase.
Q: Who is Satan?
A: Satan is a MIS director who takes credit for more powers than he actually possesses, so people who aren't programmers are scared of him. God thinks of him as irritating but irrelevant.
Q: What is the role of sinners?
A: Sinners are the people who find new and imaginative ways to mess up the system when God has made it idiot-proof.
Q: Where will I go after I die?
A: Onto a backup tape.
Q: Will I be reincarnated?
A: Not unless there is a special need to recreate you. And searching those tar files is a major hassle, so if there is a request for you, God will just say that the tape has been lost.
Q: Am I unique and special in the universe?
A: There are over 10,000 major university and corporate sites running exact duplicates of you in the present release version.
Q: What is the purpose of the universe?
A: God created it because he values elegance and simplicity, but then the users and managers demanded he tack all this senseless stuff onto it and now everything is more complicated and expensive than ever.
Q: If I pray to God, will he listen?
A: You can waste his time telling him what to do, or you can just get off his back and let him program.
Q: What is the one true religion?
A: All systems have their advantages and disadvantages, so just pick the one that best suits your needs and don't let anyone put you down.
Q: How can I protect myself from evil?
A: Change your password every month and don't make it a name, a common word, or a date like your birthday.
Monday, April 9, 2012
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Thursday, March 8, 2012
How do we see the colors
Today is the festival of colors - Happy Holi.
This is how men and women see the colors :-)
This is how men and women see the colors :-)
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Monday, February 20, 2012
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Monday, February 13, 2012
Friday, February 3, 2012
Life is simple but not the simplest
I found this post and an funny reply for the post :-)
Reply
Call?-------- She did not answer.
Invite? ----- She refuses to come.
Explain? ------ I explained all days, Nobody listened.
Ask? ----- Nobody answered.
Ask? ----- Nobody answered.
Say it?--he/she kicked my ass, I feel bad when I say it.
State it? ------ Doesn't give me that thing!!!!
Ask for it? ------ Nobody cares, because of selfishness nobody give it to me.
Tell it? ----- She doesn't care, she refuse, she says it is enough! I don't love you! go find somebody else! while! there is no somebody else!
State it? ------ Doesn't give me that thing!!!!
Ask for it? ------ Nobody cares, because of selfishness nobody give it to me.
Tell it? ----- She doesn't care, she refuse, she says it is enough! I don't love you! go find somebody else! while! there is no somebody else!
Life is simple, but not the simplest... don't force people to live in a new illusion!
Sunday, January 15, 2012
A Wednesday
A forwarded mail.If you who have seen the movie 'A Wednesday', You will understand this...
Project Manager Rathore : kaun ho tum..??? kya pehcan hai tumhari ?
Unkonwn Caller : Kaun hoon mein...mein vo hu jo aaj committment karne se darta hai, Mein vo hoon jo aaj ghar jaane se darta ha, ye soch ke kahin ghar wale pehchanne se inkar na kar de...
mein vo hoon jo, aaj job change karta hai to sochta hai ki kahin recession mein mujhe company se na nikal de..
mein vo hoon jiski girlfriend usse friday ko dus bar phone karti hai, "kya kar rahe ho..?? kaam jyada hai..?? thak gaye ho..?? " mera haal poochne ke liye ya kaam poochne ke liye nahi, rathore saab... balki vo ye jaanaa chahti hai ki... kahin hamesha ki tarah end moment pe boss ke bulane pe mein saturdary ki date cancel to nahi kar raha...
mein vo hoon jo breakfast ke time pe dinner karta hai, lunch time pe breakfast karta hai, dinner ke time pe lunch karta hai.. vo bhi time mil jae to...
mein vo hoon jo aksar fasta hain, kabhi Interviews ke sawaal me fasta hai , kabhi Badi companiyon ke jaal me fasta hai, kabhi boss aur client ke bawaal me fasta hai.
Project office ki bheed to dekhi hogi aapne rathore saab... us bheed mein se ko bhi chehra chun lijie.. mein vo hoon..
I'm the same old STUPID SOFTWARE ENGINEER....
Saturday, January 14, 2012
What is Recession
A forward mail, I received...
This Story is about a man who once upon a time was selling Hotdogs by the roadside. He was illiterate, so he never read newspapers. He was hard of hearing, so he never listened to the radio. His eyes were weak, so he never watched television. But enthusiastically, he sold lots of hotdogs. He was smart enough to offer some attractive schemes to increase his sales. His sales and profit went up. He ordered more a more raw material and buns and use to sale more. He recruited few more supporting staff to serve more customers. He started offering home deliveries. Eventually he got himself a bigger and better stove. As his business was growing, the son, who had recently graduated from College, joined his father.
Then something strange happened. The son asked, "Dad, aren't you aware of the great recession that is coming our way?"
This Story is about a man who once upon a time was selling Hotdogs by the roadside. He was illiterate, so he never read newspapers. He was hard of hearing, so he never listened to the radio. His eyes were weak, so he never watched television. But enthusiastically, he sold lots of hotdogs. He was smart enough to offer some attractive schemes to increase his sales. His sales and profit went up. He ordered more a more raw material and buns and use to sale more. He recruited few more supporting staff to serve more customers. He started offering home deliveries. Eventually he got himself a bigger and better stove. As his business was growing, the son, who had recently graduated from College, joined his father.
Then something strange happened. The son asked, "Dad, aren't you aware of the great recession that is coming our way?"
The father replied, "No, but tell me about it." The son said, "The international situation is terrible. The domestic situation is even worse. We should be prepared for the coming bad times."
The man thought that since his son had been to college, read the papers, listened to the radio and watched TV. He ought to know and his advice should not be taken lightly. So the next day onwards, the father cut down the his raw material order and buns, took down the colorful signboard, removed all the special schemes he was offering to the customers and was no longer as enthusiastic. He reduced his staff strength by giving layoffs. Very soon, fewer and fewer people bothered to stop at his hotdog stand. And his sales started coming down rapidly, same is the profit.
The father said to his son, "Son, you were right". "We are in the middle of a recession and crisis. I am glad you warned me ahead of time."
Moral of The Story: It's all in your MIND! And we actually FUEL this recession much more than we think!!!
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Monday, January 2, 2012
Sunday, January 1, 2012
New Year
My mom woke me up early in the morning saying my nephew (he will be 6 years soon) is on the call and he would like to talk to me.
I took the phone and I hear the voice from other side, “Happy New Year, Mavayya”.
“Thank you, soooo much! Happy New Year to you too”.
“I am sending you a new year greeting card by post”.
“Oh! That’s so nice of you; you need our address to send the card by post”.
“Address? We have your Address”, I could hear my sister prompting him to say, “We have your address”.
“OK. I will also send you a greeting card”.
“When I gave a greeting card to my house owner grand father today morning, he gave me a Perk Chocolate. What will kids do when you give a card? They will tear it off. When kids give you greeting card, in return you should give them Chocolate. Mavayya, if you don’t know what Perk Chocolate is, ask grand mother she will tell you, she purchased one for me when she was here.”, replied my nephew.
I took the phone and I hear the voice from other side, “Happy New Year, Mavayya”.
“Thank you, soooo much! Happy New Year to you too”.
“I am sending you a new year greeting card by post”.
“Oh! That’s so nice of you; you need our address to send the card by post”.
“Address? We have your Address”, I could hear my sister prompting him to say, “We have your address”.
“OK. I will also send you a greeting card”.
“When I gave a greeting card to my house owner grand father today morning, he gave me a Perk Chocolate. What will kids do when you give a card? They will tear it off. When kids give you greeting card, in return you should give them Chocolate. Mavayya, if you don’t know what Perk Chocolate is, ask grand mother she will tell you, she purchased one for me when she was here.”, replied my nephew.
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